Corruption distances self from protest march to parliament
In an unprecedented move today, Corruption officially distanced itself from a large-scale protest march headed towards Parliament. Speaking at an exclusive press conference, Mr. Corruption declared that he had "nothing…
Headlines
Your Trusted Source for Accurate and Timely Updates!
Most Read This Week
EC Voter Register Update – Ghost Voters Demand Inclusion: ‘We Have Rights Too!’
In a surprising twist to Uganda’s electoral preparations, a group of self-proclaimed “ghost voters” has…
Researcher asks citizens to go easy on beans after concerns over coronavirus spreading through farts
In yet another announcement related to coronavirus, a local reseracher today asked citizens to avoid…
We will only dilute milk with mineral water – Milk suppliers declare
Kampala - Faced with low sales and waning public confidence in locally supplied milk, milkmen…
Child Putting On Whole Show For Woman Whom Single Dad Will Only Bang Twice
KAMPALA — In a wasted effort to tug at the heartstrings of a woman his…
Latest News
Government set to implement “one family, one idiot” policy
Kampala. In the wake of President Museveni branding a section of individuals including Members of Parliament "Idiots and Fools", Uganda is set to copy China’s…
The new Job titles of today’s generation
Finding a decent job in Uganda is quite a hassle and after…
Telecom Customer Faints on Finding Internet Data Still Intact After 3 Minutes
A telecom company has created a record of a kind by not…
Chicken strike over use of eggs by Easter Bunnies
The Uganda Layers Association (ULA) has threatened to stage a demonstration against…
I’ve Been Through Hell! – Mathias Walukagga’s Left Hand Speaks Out
Kiwani Post managed to secure an exclusive interview with the hand, which…
Kampala resident breaks long jump national record while trying to jump over pothole
Kampala: 32 yr old Odong James from Nsambya created history in Uganda yesterday when he broke the almost 50 yr old national long jump record of Fidelis Ndyabagye. Odong jumped over a 10 meters…
Just for You
Cupid recalls millions of defective Ugandan Women
Heaven. Cupid, the leading global manufacturer of lovers, has decided to recall millions of defective…
Five nightmare wankers you’ll end up sat next to on a Uganda Airlines plane
GOING on holiday aboard Uganda Airlines? Prepare yourself to endure five hours stuck next to…
The photos can move left and right .. swii swee .. see?
These Uganda Policemen where spotted sometime back looking at a tablet and with the expression…
Rats in Parliament lose hearing sensation
Kampala. Mulago doctors have found that rats (rodents, not human beings) living in the Ugandan…
Man Who Just Reads News And Social Media All Day Unsure Why He’s So Depressed
NAJEERA, KAMPALA — Local Christian man Jacob Byabakama gets up in the morning and does his daily devotionals on Facebook,…
Rolex successfully fried on benches of Ministry of Public Service
Two huge rolexes (chapati and eggs) have successfully been fried on the benches warmed by people who frequent the Pensions…
Churches Scramble To Widen Doorways As Sheep Return From Lockdown 50kgs Heavier
Kampala — Several churches in Uganda are being forced to widen their doors so returning customers sheep can fit through…
Man Contracts Syphilis After Licking Dance Pole – Sues Kimansulo Club
Kampala | A 28-year-old man who has contracted syphilis after licking a dance pole has filed a lawsuit against a…
Cows demand to be next Ugandan President
Mbarara; As the next Presidential elections in Uganda 2016 come closer, various Cow groups in…
Breaking: All Of Uganda’s Problems Solved Overnight While You Were Sleeping
KAMPALA—In a string of overwhelming and unexpected successes, all of the uganda’s problems, from corruption…
Safe to take bribes again, conclude corrupt people
After lying low for several months as the mood of the nation was strictly against…
Bodaboda arrested for stopping at Zebra crossing
Kampala Road bodaboda cyclist, Kasozi Paul was this morning arrested in the middle of a busy…
Corrupt Policemen announce massive discounts on bribes this festive season
The Uganda Corrupt Police Network (CPN) has announced a 50% off on all bribes this festive season to thank all…
Speeding bodaboda cyclist launches into space after hitting pothole
A speeding bodaboda cyclist has been launched into space after hitting a gaping pothole in downtown Kampala
Top Writers
Must Read
Research: This Article Successfully Pads Out Content Quota
KAMPALA — According to a new report released Friday, this article, the one you are currently reading, has successfully padded…
Bodaboda cyclists decry poor state of pavements in Kampala.
Bodaboda cyclists are up in arms with city authorities for failure to maintain the verandahs and pavements that they ride…
Kampala City Potholes Welcome 2023 in Style
As the New Year's Eve celebrations began, the potholes of around Kampala city gathered together to ring in the new…
Kaloli birds to get flying toilets after President orders relocation
Following reports that the days of scavenger birds commonly known as Kalooli at State House Nakasero are numbered following an…
Most Read
Government set to implement “one family, one idiot” policy
Kampala. In the wake of President Museveni branding a section of individuals including Members of Parliament "Idiots and Fools", Uganda…
Car Alarm Sick Of Being Yelled At For Doing Its Job
KAMPALA — Voicing anger over what it described as a severely hostile work environment, a local car alarm announced Monday…
Clueless Police to bribe murderers in exchange for clues about next victim
Kampala. Unable to gather any clues about the recent mind boggling murders in the country from its intelligence agencies, the Uganda Police…
Kampala resident breaks long jump national record while trying to jump over pothole
Kampala: 32 yr old Odong James from Nsambya created history in Uganda yesterday when he broke the almost 50 yr old national long jump…
Five nightmare wankers you’ll end up sat next to on a Uganda Airlines plane
GOING on holiday aboard Uganda Airlines? Prepare yourself to endure five hours stuck next to one of these utter arseholes.
Breaking: All Of Uganda’s Problems Solved Overnight While You Were Sleeping
KAMPALA—In a string of overwhelming and unexpected successes, all of the uganda’s problems, from corruption to disease to high costs of living, were reportedly solved while you slept, with each…
Woman Still Expects Ex To Fix Her Wifi, Listen To Work Drama
Ivan and I agreed that nothing should change just because we broke up,” Tracy said, eating her Rolex with nyanya mbisi. So obviously, he’ll still come over to fix my…
Money Lenders Mourn Lost Opportunity to Fund Next Pope’s Election
The disappointment stems from the Vatican’s strict rules on papal elections, which inexplicably forbid bribery, extortion, or last-minute "financial motivation" for votes. This has left Ugandan lenders confused and offended.
Fake Academic Paper Holders Urge Calm Amidst Mass Verification
Kampala, Uganda* – In what can only be described as the least surprising scandal of the decade, Kampala District has been thrown into chaos after an ongoing probe exposed a…
I’ve Been Through Hell! – Mathias Walukagga’s Left Hand Speaks Out
Kiwani Post managed to secure an exclusive interview with the hand, which spoke to us through a series of interpretive gestures and Morse code taps on a nearby table.
Criminals Dispute Uganda Police Crime Report
KAMPALA — Uganda Police Force’s recently released monthly crime report has incensed ccriminals across Uganda who have come forward to dispute the findings, claiming they have been “on their best…
EC Voter Register Update – Ghost Voters Demand Inclusion: ‘We Have Rights Too!’
In a surprising twist to Uganda’s electoral preparations, a group of self-proclaimed “ghost voters” has come forward to express their frustration at being excluded from the ongoing update of the…
Relax, I’m Just Here for the Vibes!’ – Ebola virus downplays USA travel advisory
In a groundbreaking and slightly unsettling turn of events, Ebola has granted an exclusive interview to Kiwani Post to address the recent travel advisories issued by the USA and the…
Corruption distances self from protest march to parliament
In an unprecedented move today, Corruption officially distanced itself from a large-scale protest march headed towards Parliament. Speaking at an exclusive press conference, Mr. Corruption declared that he had "nothing…
The womaniser’s guide to post-coital etiquette
ARE you a man confused by how much time you should waste after sex cuddling? Chauvinist and self-appointed ‘God’s gift to women’ Wayne Hayes explains.
Horrified man discovers going to bed early makes him less tired following day
I’d never have guessed I could eradicate my tiredness by not being tired. It still doesn’t make much sense to me but I’d recommend it to anyone.
Mini Games
Wordle
Guess words from 4 to 11 letters and create your own puzzles.
Letter Boxed
Create words using letters around the square.
Magic Tiles
Match elements and keep your chain going.
Chess Reply
Play Historic chess games.